As I roll over to hit snooze on the alarm clock, that quote rolls through my head. These words rolled off my tongue as I was talking to a client. As much as it hit her, man it really hit me.
I was lying in bed wondering how I could skip the morning work out, I thought of that quote, I thought of those words. They cut right through all the excuses I wanted to give myself of maybe working out later, or going on light jog instead of the intense 30 minute full body cardio. I heard those words ring true as I was negotiating with myself about how I had a long weekend, and I still had time to get in shape before summer.
I wrestled with emotions of negativity. I saw a picture of myself yesterday and fuck I did not look like I had been eating vegetables, chicken, protein shakes and exercising the most I’ve ever been in my life. I thought of how that picture made me felt, it made me felt like giving up, throwing in the towel, saying fuck it to this mornings exercise.
What was the point?
I still didn’t look how I wanted to, what’s the point? Give up right here. Give up right now.
That body I wanted wasn’t meant for me. It wasn’t meant to be. I could probably keep exercising for another month, watching what I ate, and maybe my outside appearance won’t reflect my inside appearance.
I did this for about another 10 minutes while scrolling Facebook and checking email. Until I repeated the quote again, “If you are in a comfort zone, you are not living the life you want.”
Right there I knew if I did throw in that towel, I would be right back to having that body I didn’t want. Living in that comfort zone would keep me with a body that was “agh” but I also couldn’t ignore how different I had become.
Although my outside appearance has not caught up with the internal change, it will. I know it.
I get up I put on my workout clothes, and I start to fill up my water bottle. I continue on, I give that work out a lot of effort, more than I gave it last week. To me that workout was a fight, it was like a fight between the new Shannon and the old Shannon. It was me taking a stance for the new Shannon, the new woman that was stepping up, the woman that doesn’t live in a comfort zone, the girl who fucking fights to be more because she refuses to settle for basic anymore.
I get through the work out and I notice how some sets are becoming easier, how I’m going faster, how somethings are easier. I start to come to another epiphany as I’m working out; I’m starting to notice that it’s not about the big moments, I always focused on the big moments as motivation and momentum but I’m finding that most of it comes down to those little moments.
The big moments to me are fitting into a size 6 jeans, putting on a bathing suit, or getting a compliment from family + friends. The little moments are when I’m wrestling with myself in bed about not exercising that morning, or those moments when I’m eating out a restaurant and I want the french fries.
Those little moments make everything. They decide whether I’m saying yes to change and uncomfortable moments, they decide when I’m saying no to change or transformation.
I’m finding all the hard parts are the little moments between where I am now and the big moments. Those big moments will last for a couple minutes and give me a couple minutes of satisfaction but the little moments they’re always there.
This is where I am, a bunch of little moments of saying yes to being uncomfortable. Man it sucks sometimes, I want the french fries, I want to sleep in, my legs are tired, I don’t feel like it, but I remember the body + life I desire. I want that.
The external satisfaction will come with time but the internal change is what I have right now, and it’s all I need.
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